I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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