I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
