Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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