Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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