He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
