He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
