we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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