it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize