i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you had me at cake vodka
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
