Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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