that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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