Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
