I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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