i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
