508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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