I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
