Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
