I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize