he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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