the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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