Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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