I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
