My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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