Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
