I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
