that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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