You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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