I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
