apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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