my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
