nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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