sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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