Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize