Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
