I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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