dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
