Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
