You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
