Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
