girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
