eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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