This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
