So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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