There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
