Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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