And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
