Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
