I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
