I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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