Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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