the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
