Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize