anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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