Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
