There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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