Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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