Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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