listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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