i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
