I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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