If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
