Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
