we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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