You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
