i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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