if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize