True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
