I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
