i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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