I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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