im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
