Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
