You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
