sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
